A Curse?!

Intersesting lines from a book I read...


"She would wander through life beseeching men to love her, frighten them with intensity of her affection, marry one of whose smell she could tolerate, and then resume the search for love. And she would suffer the loneliness of affairs. And on some mornings, in front of men who thanked their luck for such an easy fling, she would endure the shame of putting on her clothes, somehow more demeaning than undressing for them. She would wander this way every day of her life until she found shelter peace of age."
-SERIOUS MEN
 Manu Joseph

DETRITUS

I woke up with a start. Grabbed my MOTO G 2^nd Gen for time and saw it was 10:00 am. Yet again I realized that I had too much of it last night.  With a throbbing headache I was wondering when this would stop. I also knew the answer. I pinged my boss that I was not feeling well and crashed back to bed. But the human body is as stupid as the dog chasing his own tail. With an ashen face I was trying to sleep and yet sleep like my ex-girlfriend kept eluding me. So I decided to get up and make a cup of tea for myself. I do that every morning. Making tea in the morning is like making a to-do list for me. But somehow I just went about like a robot on auto pilot. Kapil would still be sleeping as it’s his off today. I dare wake him up. I manage Tea and a cigarette, but my head cannot manage the weight. Its 12 noon. The sun here around this time acts as if it knows how to act like a sun….I oblige and draw the curtains. I feel somewhat hungry but I wait. My job has no leaves, I always work. I open my laptop light another cigarette and work through the maze called work. Its 2 now. Kaps would usually be up by now and feed me with the days’ news. I always wonder if he gets news in sleep…. I don’t know. But he isn’t up yet. This is just like last month. Once he woke up at 5 in the evening and scolded me on how the bread was stale. I was wondering because I had brought bread only that morning. I think he has supernatural smelling powers. But then you know I am just catching a tail. I ignore it and make an omelet for myself….

I wake up with a start again…its 6 pm. The dog finally caught its tail. Since it was still quiet around, I figured Kaps is still sleeping. But he was not supposed to sleep so late today. He was to start packing as he had a late night flight back home. I thought its good for him, ma and papa. Some days off from work is always better. One should always make that concession for family. Kaps is always keen on going to Delhi. He loves it there. Me myself look for every opportunity to be with them. But then the flight is in a few hours and he has to pack too. I wonder if he is ok. And as I get up to check on him the phone rings. Its Kaps, I as usual say “salam aleykum” that’s what we say to each other when we talk on the phone. I think he is downstairs asking if I need something, but he says he reached Delhi…… I don’t know when this will stop...... I guess I know the answer…..

I Too Braved a Dream!

A chill ran down my spine and that broke my sleep. I realized I was not covering myself with the blanket and it was cold. I had drifted on to the floor. I don’t sleep on a bed. So that’s normal. The mind is ok to drift off from the bed sheet, It protects you even when you are asleep.  I covered myself, switched of the fan and then tried to reach slumber. I looked up at the ceiling, dark it was, I positioned sideways, dark again. I closed my eyes and tried to sleep. Einstein was the first who propagated the theory of relative time, and believe me its true. I checked my watch it had only been 5 min…and I thought I had been trying to sleep for the past one hour. Worst part, It was already 4 a.m. During this time the biological clock sets in..it howls in your head..cummon man….no point going to sleep now!

But then I told myself something which Einstein did not and Birbal Miyan did…”this too shall pass!” And yes I did feel the shallow peace of sleep.

Life lately has been very similar to this. Whether to have a calm sleep or a disturbing push that needs to be sorted out. Time does roll in diff measures.  For me it would go at say speed T, but for someone else…its going at bloody speed t+∞!!

But then what Einstein did not know was known by us thousands of years ago. Time is what you make of it. Time is how you define it.  When you do what you are supposed to do, with complete submission to the almighty, then you break away from the shackles of space & time. But do that from heart and not your mind….. Coz Mind Justifies mistakes, heart forgives them all. Mind calculates time and the heart…it just calculates the beats…

See that’s what happens when I get up at the middle of the night…. So yes I did brave a dream…

A POEM..

Life is a poem

Some verses you write

And some just come by

The letters form words

And words create a line

Moments create time

And time defines life

That’s what a poem does

It sets the tone

It sets a sight

They say life starts with a word

I say it always ends with a word

And all that lies between.....Is a poem    

The Rain

It’s raining outside. Has been like this for the past 5 days. The smell from the soil is just so pure. Don’t want to play any music as the sound of drops falling on objects is creating a masterpiece. The sky is as dark as those elegant eyes. There is a chill in the air, like the one I feel on my hands when I place it outside a moving train. So much water so much sound. Nature is so ruthless and mesmerizing at the same time. Probably this is what they refer to as Kali. Guess it is just a beautiful terror. The tea is hot and I have a cigarette. Every sip just gets absorbed by every pore in the body. It’s a time when she (nature) makes you feel that you are a part of her. That shivering leave on the branch is me. That wet blade of grass is me. The hasty toad is again me. The water seeping into the room is me.

Sad part is I am not here in it…I am miles away, not in body but in soul… This rain is magic, but I am standing in it clueless. I can feel the drops on my face, but don’t know what to call them… rain or terror..

A Missed Turn

We were driving at a very average speed, but we missed that turn we were looking for. Maybe we were too indulged in talking or just did not notice a small signboard that said “turn right”. She was in no hurry as usual, but me being time crazy as usual, just lost it. We had to reach there on time. People were waiting for us and I never get late. I hate waiting for others and make sure they don’t wait for me.  Ever since I remember, I have never been late for anything. And unlike others, once or twice when I did get late, I was never offered any concessions. So I have always made it a point that I make it on time, even if it meant reaching there an hour early. Without a map or GPS it was hard to drive on as I was not sure if it was the right road anymore. But she has this knack of sensing things. Although the most logical option was to take a U turn, I agreed with her. We kept moving forward. Finally another turn came and this time we took it. We reached an hour late. But people there said it was good we dint take that turn (the one we missed) as it was a bad road and we would have been stuck there.

So all this time I was cribbing on why we missed that turn, and suddenly it was good to have missed that turn.  Can life offer such concessions?...

A moment in time!!

What r you looking at?

You….

Why?

Just like that…I love you and when I look at you I love the way you look back…

Hmmm

I was just thinking the other day…what will I do if you don’t look at me like that someday. It defines me now. It helps me remember who I am. What if you look at me someday as if I was a stranger?  What if?

Don’t say that, I will never look at you like that…I just cannot anymore…it’s a habit now.

I am hungry, let’s go out and eat something.

What do you want to eat?

Whatever you like…

How about pizzas?

Okies!!

OUT IN THE OPEN

There is regret. Always there is regret.
But it is better that our lives unloose,
As two tall ships, wind-mastered, wet with light,
Break from an estuary, with their courses set,
And waving part, and waving drop from sight.
-- Philip Larkin

Until you return home your lives floated evenly down a current determined by the lay of the land and the banks constraining it. Suddenly the river ends and you find yourselves in an estuary. You still feel the tug of the flow that until recently sufficed to keep you moving. But now there are winds and tides to reckon with. Neighbours who speak in foreign tongues jostle you. You find friends and form flotillas. You learn how to hoist your sail, how to navigate, how to drop anchor. Slowly you earn your sea-legs. In the harbour are some grizzled sailors who bark advice at you. But you pay them little heed. You listen more keenly to the tales of voyagers from distant lands who speak of the fabulous Indies, of the Roaring Forties that you may have to brave, of the icebergs that may sink the best of you. You can feel the daily pull of the tides, and the salt smell of the sea is inescapable. 

When you leave, the harbour-master will give you a cachet of competence, but in the open sea it is your own true strength that will matter. Most of you will quickly fall into trade routes and head for well-known destinations. Some will explore a little but stay in sight of land. A few of you, more brave, will chart your own routes. There is so much out there! – not just the shores to the west where the streets are paved with gold, but high in the frozen north there's Greenland where I hear the sun never sets, and deep down under there's Tierra del Fuego where, I've been told, the Earth suddenly ends. 

So you must break free of this estuary now. Remember it with affection, come back once in a while (we'll bring out our best rum), but don't spend the rest of your lives at its edge. Bon voyage, my friend! May you sail true.

Create Nurture and Destroy

Create Nurture and Destroy, that’s what is in God’s hands. I was walking alone along the coast of Mumbai on Marine Drive and this thought crossed my mind. They call it the queen’s neckless….for which a lot was destroyed. Anyways...I was walking along the harbor and just letting the wind blow my face. I think even for Mumbai this is the only place they get fresh air…I was there to get some fresh perspective.  I was troubled by the problem of free will. Was I walking out of my free will or was I walking because I was made to? I felt good and refreshed alright but I could just sit and enjoy the same feeling. Life always poses a choice. But are those really choices or just another way to signal that its not in your control. One has to decide the consequence one is ok with, and go ahead with the choice. But then the intermediate choices mixed up with situations can deter one from the consequences expected.

Life is too complex for just one choice to decide on the consequence. It’s the small choices that count.

One has to decide every day and every moment. Funny thing is, if one needs to change the result, one can just deter on one small choice….the larger picture changes. I come back to free again. Where there is a will there is a way. But is will an illusion? Is it just as one says..a variable in the equation of situations that one creates or get created…. God Creates, Nurthures and Destroys…situations, that’s it.

DARKNESS

The darkness around me was maddening. I could hardly see anything. The whole existence seemed to have vanished around me. I was trying to move... walk ahead and try to reach out to something. But there was nothing to reach out to. No support, no clue and no plan. A plan requires you to know the resources available. I didn't know what I could use to just get out of it. How could I? It took me sometime to realize that it was not just dark, but it was empty too..I was not brushing myself against anything. I then started to wonder where I was. Or where I was before this. That could help me create a link to this place. But I just was not able to go back into my memories. It was as if, where I was....I had been there forever, without a past..and as it seemed without a future as well. But could it be that I was in an empty dark room. But how? Why? Had I been in an empty room, then at least my vision would have adjusted to the darkness. But it didn’t seem to be the case. I started to walk, I had to move to exactly decide the extent of this darkness. For hours I tried but did not walk out of the darkness and I did not hit anything. I started wondering what this place was and just as I started to panic I got a jolt…and again..and once more. And this time when I opened my eyes flashes of light pierced into my eyes. Suddenly I felt weak and exhausted. I felt a sharp pain but could not focus where.

I was surrounded by people in white robes and there was someone who was shouting continuously…very loudly….WE GOT HIM!! 

3 Pegs Down

Clearly...its not Sunday today. So if I am writing..it means I am taking out time.. from Work.!!.
Don't be shocked..its not the mayan age where the priest would be executed just to have time off.
But then...is it? Is it? Tell me can u?...

Sorry..before half of u say yes..i just wanna refine respondents. Please do not respond if u work for an IT company. Please do not respond if u r self employed. Please do not even think to respond if u r reading this.
Yes coz if u r reading this u r free enough to find this. But this is not for u.


This is for you my friend who has continued reading..who knows what it means..who knows why taking out time for something that you love needs.... 3 more pegs of whiskey. Why is it that we r passionate about our work but the work that we do is not passionate about us, I spend 18 hrs of my day wondering (working too) whether I'v done enuf... and the next 18 hrs give me an answer thats a negative..... I ask you and I will be blunt. Do you know what "Traditional Merchandise" is? If you do not just click cancel...don't even embarrass yourself,

I am writing this for you for all of you who c things around you and find it hard to explain. Your Logical mind just cannot grasp why such a thing happened. And yes you r too busy to fix it...you r just like me to read this through...coz u r looking for a meaning....

The Moving Wheel

Date 10-11-12

New Delhi

After a long time I have put myself down to the writing board. The wheel had stopped for long. Through seasons of rain and dust it had rusted. Haven’t moved and not even noticed, it now tries to rub itself with the ground again.  Makes me consider the coincidence of the date again. It signifies a natural progression without any manipulations. Just a simple count…rare yet common in different paradigms. Maybe it is time for me to get back to my natural progression again. I wont say I had lost it, but yes I had left it. Since I could leave it I am sure I can regain it again. My natural progression...

OPPURTUNITIES AHOY!!

As India steps into another decade, it is poised for achieving greater growth than the decade that has gone by. At this point we must pause and take note of the opportunities that will be unfolding in the coming times for us. Power sector is in for a huge amount of impetus in the coming years as the key growth drivers will be large demand supply gap, renovation and modernization, and increasing privatization of distribution networks. At the same time, the competition for scarce resources is expected to intensify and support enablers in terms of logistics, T&D, equipment supply will be stretched to the fullest

The Centre has targeted capacity addition of 100,000 MW each in the 12th Five Year Plan (2012-17) and 13th Five Year Plan (2017-22), said Mr Sushil Kumar Shinde, Union Minister of Power. This will be a substantial addition to the existing installed capacity of 1, 67,278.36 MW. According to an estimate, such an initiative will require a total investment of UDS 300 bn in the power sector within the next few years. This means that there will be equal amount of opportunities in transmission and distribution.

Apart from this the economy itself is poised for growth. This is apparent from a number of projects that are on the anvil. 2010 saw more startups as compared to 2009. During the calendar year 2010; 9,919 new projects entailing a total investment of Rs 7,95,144 Cr. were announced across the country. The preceding year (2009) had seen 9,344 new projects worth Rs 6,26,119 Cr. As against the 25 per cent fall in fresh investment recorded in 2009, the year 2010 saw such investment surging by 27 per cent. This trend is expected to continue.

Research reports show that the Indian low voltage (LV) and medium voltage (MV) switchgear market is estimated to reach $ 4173.2 million by 2015, growing at a CAGR of 14.2 per cent. Growth in production of switchgears is driven by increased demand from power utilities, infrastructure projects, and industrial and residential consumers. Steady growth of use of the low-tension circuit breakers and miniature circuit breakers is expected to continue with the improvement in the real estate and services sectors. Strengthening of transmission and distribution network is expected to benefit medium and high voltage segments. This will create avenues to be leveraged through capacity creation, technology changes and exploring virgin segments and geos.

At Tricolite we are well prepared to meet these opportunities. Exciting times await the nation and we are charged with high energy and purpose to drive this organization and be active contributors to the growth that India is going to witness. We hope we shall be able to transpire this enthusiasm in all our patrons and inspire by walking the talk!

Redefining Sales Intelligence: Web 2.0/Sales 2.0 to the rescue?

I recently learned about how companies across the world are leveraging the downpour of information in the social media. Platforms like LinkedIn, Facebook, Hi5, etc are giving people a new avenue to come together and share. I guess it was only predictable that businesses would jump on this bandwagon sooner than later.
You’ll often find various companies and groups scouting for your “fan-ship” on these networks. Well, it’s not all bad till you’re not pestered by their sales guys. I personally don’t mind joining such groups. I think they get me a lot of valuable information, well before others can hear about it.
My friend recently wrote a blog post on how business are using a new technology called Sales 2.0 or Web 2.0 to harness the power of the “social media” and drive higher business results. Here’s the link:
http://blog.insideview.com/2010/04/27/connecting-the-dots-how-sales-2-0-can-help-you-connect-with-prospects/

It’s interesting to know how many people are talking so much about better prospecting, “warming” the cold calls, and “connecting” better with their prospects. Although I wouldn’t say cold calling is gone completely, but this theoretically is definitely giving shape to a whole new way of doing it. I’m a field sales guy. I go out in to the market and meet my clients, I don’t call on prospects, I deal directly with stockist’s. Well, that’s because I’m not selling to large businesses, but small wholesalers and distributors, the grocery shop around the corner. Can this new technology help me make my life easier? I don’t think we have answers for that yet.

SHINAKHT!

A few days back I saw a person hurriedly calling out to his friend passing by in a vehicle, as it turned out that person was his friend. But the interesting part was that the friend he called out was wearing a mask. As in, a thin towel covered a good part of his face and shoulders, which made him perfectly unrecognizable. I was waiting for a bus and started thinking. Would I be able to recognize a friend (If I knew he would be around in the same city)? And the most incorrect of examples flashed in my mind. The first one was Gaurav.. well I would recognize him since he is bald (jokes apart!) Kshitij, of course he is as tall as a giraffe, I’v spotted him on a railway station in Delhi. Pankaj, well u know he is on the darker side with oily hair. Ajit for his spects and chubby fingers and Karn for his long neat hair.

The point is that the brain and eyes establish little signposts for themselves to recognize people you really are close too. It won’t take you even a nanoth of a second to decipher the look in the most creative of camouflages.

The point is not even that, its just that its been so long since I’v seen u guys…

Up or Down its the same..

Read an interesting fact in ET 2day. "As many as 640 directors of public listed companies took home more than Rs. 1 Cr for year ending March 2009, compared to 570 in the previous year." The article further states that the figure could go up to 3000 people getting that amount if all the companies (listed or unlisted) are included.

Well I am sure these people showed exemplary skills at warding off the ill-effects of the recession and lead their companies through innovation. Also I am sure they proved to be a real value creators for their companies. But given the fact that it was also a time when many people were asked to reconsider their salaries, these guys should have declined the bounty!!

Well so much for the "Self Actualization Need" Theories!!

SALESCALL!

Travelling in and around the city, going for numerous salescalls, meeting 100s of people makes me realise that this is going to be a very interesting project. At the same time it will be challenging! The brand helps only so far that the customer is ready to listen to you.. "Oh I Know you, what is it this time?" after that the show is yours. It takes a coordinated effort from everyone involved, from people in the warehouse to the final salesman.

The most ineterseting part is that the smaller the buyer (in terms of volumes) the harder is he to bargain with.

The Paint Brush

The fire is settling down on the horizon and the journeys of eternities finally take a pause, just to start afresh. I suddenly think of the man who saw the first light. Did the cold rays made him jump with joy or they embarrassed him by revealing the secrets he was hiding? But my thoughts are veering again. What else can I do than just stand near my window and think. I think about the colours I used today. I have been noticing a pattern these days. I’ve been using more of red than the others... Red is both the colour of dawn and dusk, love and violence, hope and despair. These ambiguities keep my empty days busy. I think more of colours than people. I would fondle with a green in my room than taking a stroll in the park.. But why? Have the colours on my life’s canvas gone so out of hand that I prefer orchestrating them on paper? It’s as if I draw a plan every morning and fail it by night. But alas my pale thoughts drift into black.

These days I wake up with a pain in my head and surprisingly I go to bed with a deep contentment. The unknown day makes me tense and I feel safe in the darkness of night. I am thinking less about the people around me and more of the colours on the walls that surround me. As if they are closing in on me. And at the end of the day I relax, knowing that I survived another day facing those walls.

Although you would feel that all of this is stultifying, but I assure you that it’s not. It happens when you are unemployed for a time longer than a paint brush. And then the brush grows to keep up, to point where you forget the difference between time and the paint brush.

Shit I need a job...

An Expensive Mobile Phone

A Rs. 20,000 phone! Although when seen in isolation, the amount seems nothing more than just an envious expression of awe. But when he started reiterating it again and again, I started thinking. Why would someone buy something which serves a purpose no more than encoding and decoding telecommunications? He went to an extent of comparisons, between him and me. Although the whole process seems pointless but at the end of it I was caught thinking. Was it just a consequence of many materialistic vagaries that I share with today’s vox populai, infected with the bug of consumerism? Or was it an expression of my identity, expression of my capability to put to rest any apprehensions raised towards my financial prudence? Or was it actually a purchase made purely based on the assumptions of economics that says “the consumer is rational”?

I think it is a mixture of all the three. But to put it simply, it is a result of a carefully planned investment. It’s not as if the purchase was made impulsively. I had been planning for it since quiet some time now. I had specifically saved for it. I went to the store with her and she was happy that I was able to buy the phone. It is not at all taxing since I planned this purchase and it doesn’t hurt because the phone has so many features. The phone is a state of the art communication device and any word about it would be an understatement. Life is short and I think that if I have a certain desire that is achievable, then I think I should fulfill it. Why not? People think of holiday in Rome and what not! A swimming pool in their backyard, an expensive jewelry set, a romantic date, a night to remember, an expensive house with a sea facing window, a Porsche, a beautiful girl friend, a diamond chandelier, a lazy boy, a warehouse of wine…and the list goes on. Then why so much fuss about my phone? At least I achieved what I wanted. It’s been a week since I’ve bought the phone and he has not stopped buggering me over it. I sure do want to tell him how good it feels when you draw out an expensive phone in a group of people and they ask you about it. Man the look of eagle in their eyes is just worth the money.

However…I need to go now... got to give it at the service centre, some mouthpiece problem. It will take some time since the parts are not easily available.

ASTAGFIRULLAH

I had to reach there in time. I took an auto and like a general in the battlefield commanded the autowallah to take me straight to that place. I knew I was late, but they will understand. The day had been long and tiring. So much to do and so much to think. Sometimes I wonder why I think so much… But will they understand? They always complain that I’m late. What the hell…I can’t help it. Either I am late from office or late to office. (The phone rings)…

Well…he sounded angry…poor guys, they have saved seats for me and already ordered. We have been planning to visit this place for such a long time. Sometimes I feel that every vehicle in the traffic is looking at me with a grin and saying “you are late again” But not this time. I will make it. I’m almost there…

The auto stops with a jerk and I get off. Hurriedly I reach the place and see one of them standing outside, waiting for me. I should thank them once in a while…but not today, I am on time! But why is he angry, he looks towards my knees and blurts out a few words. I looked down...Aghast! I forgot to change into my trousers and came here in my shorts. No one in that place is allowed to be in shorts. I knew that…but I forgot. Anyways… guess they will forgive me again...